..but What if my Best isn’t good enough?

Dear mom who can do it all,

Please forgive me for not living up to your expectations. I always try not to mock you when I don’t understand or relate to you, because secretly I envy your perfection & extensive range of abilities and talents. Sometimes I feel like I stayed home sick the day they handed out the SUPERMOM pills. You must have taken my dose along with yours. Now you’re unstoppable! It pains me to admit this, and I cringe as I am writing it, but I CAN’T do it all! I’m just trying to do my best.. but some days it feels like my best isn’t good enough for you.

I do not stay home with my two young & impressionable children to personally mold their minds and characters. Yes, I leave the house every weekday to clock in & out of a job that monetarily pays me twice a month. Yes, I drop off my precious gifts from God at a pre-school which I carefully selected & entrust at-one-time-strangers with their well-being daily. It’s not because I am lazy, or selfish, or because it’s what my mom did. I know how hard it was for her. It’s not because I think staying home would be too hard. I know it is! It’s not because that was the plan that Hunnie & I discussed before we started growing our family. And although I have worked my whole teenage & adult life, and didn’t ever picture myself not working (even if it isn’t with a big degree or a great career), it’s not because of that either. I do what I do because I HAVE to. Simple as that. Our family relies on my income to SURVIVE. We’re not talking about paying for privileges, trips, or extras. We are talking ‘four walls’ bare minimum. I am happy that you have planned and are able to stay home with your sweet babies, but that is just not that state of my current family situation. I respect your choices, and I’d like to think you would do the same for me. I also hope my delinquents don’t corrupt your angels some day.

I do not buy all organic, sugar free food and prepare beautifully home-cooked meals every night. I do try to make healthy choices for my family, but I can’t always afford all the options I see you pinning or even the ones I pin. Don’t get me wrong, my kids get plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and they don’t pig out on junk food. They barely ever get candy or juice, and when they do get juice it’s watered down. I just mean I ad-match at Walmart and buy the cheap peanut butter and jelly to make sandwiches for lunch every day. If I’m being honest, Daddy makes those sandwiches & the rest of the lunches 99% of the time. My pantry isn’t stocked with exactly the right ingredients, and I don’t shop on the same day every weekend. Sometimes I make plans with friends, run out of ALL food options mid-week, and end up shopping at night while Daddy’s putting the restless to bed. I only recently started cooking weeknight dinners regularly. ..and ONLY because I was forced to with Daddy’s increased work schedule. Due to my later work schedule, crock-pot meals have become a staple in our house. Thank goodness for you creating those recipes, or we would starve! Confession: even one out of every ten of those I let burn around the edges.

I’m not always fashionable. Honestly, the days that I put it all together & coordinate, I get there by asking myself “What would she do?” I consider it a victory if I wake up early enough to shower at least 5 days a week. I don’t have our home decorated and staged daily like a magazine shoot is happening. I’m working on it, but the camera crew never shows up, so why rush? I don’t have an activity or advent calendar for every holiday. I’ve done a few and try to focus on the ones that are important to us. I have to sleep SOME time! I teach & demonstrate manners, love, and kindness.. but sometimes I raise my voice, throw tantrums, and pout ..and so do my kids. I probably let my kiddos have more mostly educational screen time than they should, just so I can get stuff done or a moment of piece. I’m usually late wherever I go ..and it’s not the toddler’s fault. I miss my kids when I am away from them for an extended amount of time, but I never had the separation anxiety. I didn’t blink twice when Nannie asked to take the Bubbster to her house 400+ miles aways for 6 weeks right after he turned one. I plan to buy books from the Scholastic drive EVERY time, but forget to turn in the form 83.7% of the time. I don’t think I’ve successfully sent out Christmas cards since we were a family of two. This year will be different! We took WAY more pictures of the Bubbster his first year than BabyGirl, but didn’t do the ‘watch me grow’ pictures with either one. Shoot, we didn’t even do family portraits every year. If you can claim you have all of these accomplishments under you belt, kudos! I would be happy with ONE.

We may have made different choices in our lives to get us to where we are today, but in many ways, you and I are no different. We both love our families, and would do ANYTHING for them. We never could have imagined what the lives we have to today would truly look like, and now can’t imagine it any other way. As we celebrate this day of Thanksgiving, and my littles are snoozing (thanks to Daddy), I am enjoying reviewing my thankful list. I am grateful for the family the Lord has blessed me with. The trials & tribulations that have made us stronger, and the things that are still yet to come. I am so thankful for the friendships growing each day with people who are open, honest, and authentic. I hope you have friends like this in your life. How could you make it this far without them? People who are not afraid to be vulnerable & raw with you, and listen when you need it. People who remind you constantly that we are all doing the best we can with what we have. People who allow me to be thankful for you, and the amazing person you are. ..even if I’m not.

With a grateful heart,
~The Mommie with endless laundry waiting to be folded & 20 socks missing mates


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